More Restaurant Rants...

Dear Mr. Winking Winkerson... stop it. Seriously, stop it. It's not ok, particularly when you are a grown man, to wink more than once a conversaton, sometimes a sentence. It's not charming, I won't give you free dessert. It's just creepy and gross, and creepy. Stop winking.

Dear Old Lady Campers... I make 2.13 an hour. Your tip, while certainly based on the quality of my service, also acts as a way of renting your booth/space. If you stay for 4 hours, you're cheating me out of 4 more possible tips. Not to mention, sweet old ladies, just because you're old, doesn't make it ok to leave 10%.

Dear Sir Talks-a-Lot... I'm sure you're an entertaining person. I bet you have a rich and full lifestyle that basically forces the sharing of deeply personal stories. You know what though, I'm a waitress, I've got stuff to do, you're not the only table in the restaurant, and mostly, I don't care about your life. At all. I'm always up for a good joke, or a silly anecdote, but I just don't want to hear about your genius grandson, or about the time that you drove to South Dakota with your dogs. I'm a stranger, not your barber.

Dear Questions McGee... My job is to know everything about the food in my restaurant. All of it, every ingredient. So when you ask me questions, I'm happy to answer them. Unless you ask a series of questions about food you know you don't care about. Requiring me to tell you about 13 things on the menu, and having you end up saying "Eh, I'll just get what I always get" makes me want to punch you. In the face. Hard.

Dear Really Ready Rudy... If you take a long time to decide what you want to eat, that's ok. I'll come back to the table 9 times, because that's my job. But if you make me stand in front of your table while you decide, I'll get upset. "Are we ready to order? Do we need another minute?" "No, we're ready.... I'll get the....Well I'm trying to decide....I got this last time, it was really good, but I don't think I feel that that this time...What are you getting?" "I can give you some more time, that's no problem." "No, really, we're ready....I can't decide what I want, what are you getting?" Yeah, that just makes me want to kill you.


Would it sound like a lie if I told you that I actually really like my job?